A Trip To the Woodshed

by Scott Hill

It’s quite possible more prophetic words have never been spoken than the summary of Dale from “King of the Hill’s” parenting philosophy. He believed we should do what the good book says and “Spare the rod and SPOIL the child”. To help translate that to print read it as “we should spare the rod and actively spoil the child”. Trust me it’s funnier without the translation. This is the parenting of the new century. Let’s face it, when employer’s coin a term called “helicopter parenting” to label the hovering parents of college graduates the pendulum has swung off its hinge. There are a few things I chalk up to getting older and gaining understanding, but when it comes to children respecting adults, particularly their parents, I believe there is a drastic difference in today’s parent. (cue cranky old man voice) I am not even sure if teaching respect is consider PC any longer. Sir, and Ma’am are out the window. Kids run loose through stores as if it is their personal play ground. They actually laugh if corrected by anyone including their parents. This is the case even among those who claim to follow biblical guidelines for parenting.

As a child I had respect and fear of my parents. At one point I am sure it would have been hard to distinguish between the two, but I had a legitimate fear of the cost for disobeying the rules that had been established by my parents. Thankfully in my house the rules were clear and the lines didn’t change depending on their mood. Even if it meant hindering their plans the one thing that was consistent was you break the rules there are consequences. My dad did not misquote Proverbs like Dale and believed that “he who spares the rod hates his son”, and apparently my dad really wanted me to know he loved me. Years later I look back on what some bleeding hearts today would consider abuse, but do I say, “man I need therapy to deal with my repressed feelings of abandonment from my parents”. Absolutely not! I look back now and say with heart felt appreciation say, “, Thank you parents and thank you God for giving them to me”, for being willing to put a belt to my backside. I know for a fact that fear of this alone kept me from making more mistakes than I already did. I look back now and say, “my parents do love me”

My parents didn’t spend much time considering the psychological trauma that punishing me would cause to my ego or id or whichever one it is. They just punished with whatever means fit the need at the time. They understood that “foolishness is bound in the heart of a child and the rod of correction will drive it far from them”. This was apparent from a few attempts to deal with my rebellious side at school. My dad knew that school punishments like detention or in school suspension would do nothing to curb my desire to create problems for my teachers. So he had his own way of teaching me to keep my mouth shut and respect my elders. Is this a lost sentiment?

Parents treat their kids as if they can do no wrong then wonder why their kids act foolish. They were pre-warned in the scripture, but treat these passages on parenting like some radical antiquated philosophy from another age. After all these are not the middle ages. We have evolved, right? I have actually had parents ask me why my kids are so well behaved. Now don’t get my wrong, I have no delusions about my kids being angels. I have however, offered some advice when asked, but inevitably it is met with a saddened, “I can’t do that” expression. Why? In many cases the parents are actually afraid of their children. Not just afraid of discipline, but even afraid to tell them they messed up or that something they did is not the best thing ever.

This attitude does not just exist on a physical level, but also a spiritual one. What does this say about how we feel about chastisement from our heavenly Father? What are we teaching our kids about His wrath, His love, His justice, and His mercy? This unbiblical attitude of love, love, love, naturally carries over into our relationship with God. It is the same misunderstanding of what it is to be loving that causes some to consider the cross cosmic child abuse. This incessant desire to be liked, or be a friend to our children is what will cause them to break your hear one day. Do I want my kids to like me? Sure I do, but kids are moody and this may change depending on how big of a lie they just told to get out of trouble. I do love my kids and understand that discipline is one of the most loving things you can do. “He who spares the rod hates his son”. These are not harsh words. In fact they are some of the most loving words in scripture, but in this “love em to Jesus” hippie age we live in, it is better to avoid all the boo boo’s than to let them learn from their mistakes. It is better to pay off their debt than let them feel the weight of their own stupidity. It is better to blame society than to call a rebellious child what they are “foolish”. Listen, little Johnny is not just misunderstood. Foolishness and depravity are part of his very nature and scripture says the rod of correction will drive it far from them.

Unfortunately some parents are oblivious to just how much of a punk their kids are. I hope I don’t’ fall into this category, but who knows. But for all those who know they raised a punk it’s not too late. Your 16 year is now acting like a 16 year old, and you can only blame him/her and yourself. They will have to grow up in a few years, if you will let them. The problem with this one is that the rest of society will have to deal with your bad parenting while we wait on this. Yet, for some your kids just have punk potential. Your 4 year old is prime for a parental coup at your house. It’s time to remember who is in charge. So I am going to help you by giving you parenting 101. We will start with vocabulary. Learn the following phrases and the application will come natural. “Not in My house”, “if you want sympathy call Santa Claus”, “because I said so”, “I will not tell you twice” (this one you had better be ready to back up), “suck it up”, “don’t bother me unless you are bleeding” and “go get my belt”. Heed this instruction and you will save his soul from hell.